Monday, January 9, 2012

Get off my back. . .

This morning has been an emotional roller coaster for me.  It started off well enough: my daughter slept all night in HER bed and didn't get up until 7am.  That hasn't happened in quite awhile.  Though she did tell me last night (after the 4th time putting her back in her bed), "I go sleep in your bed soon."  
But back to my crazy emotions.  After I dropped her off at preschool, I came home to read this blog post.  I agreed with everything she said.  

Parenting is hard. 
I love my children.  I wouldn't change a thing.  I would raise these two crazies over and over again.  But I would be an idiot not to admit that sometimes, I hate life.  
When my daughter is peeing all over the place because she refuses to use the toilet at home (however, she'll use it at the mall).  Or when my feet are being impaled by another Lego because my son doesn't feel like cleaning his room.  Or when I have to go to the grocery store with both of them.  
Those are the times that I just want to close my eyes and say, "Calgon, take me away!".

But those are also the times when someone will say, "Oh, you better cherish these moments."  

Um, I'm sorry.  Those are NOT the moments I want to cherish.  I have a stockpile of moments I will cherish, the unfortunate accident on the Chick Fil A slide will *not* be one of them.
As I read through the comments from the blog I mentioned, there were many that praised her words.  Many that completely agree and were thankful for someone finally expressing what they had been feeling.  But there were also comments that practically said she was crazy and didn't love her children as much as she should because she didn't love the "ten excruciating minutes in the Target line".  
Those comments are most hurtful to me.
Those comments set off my emotional roller coaster.

Those comments make me feel like a horrible mom.

Can't there be a happy medium?  Can't women post comments without being hurtful?  Reading things like that has caused me to become an overly guilted mother.  When I read or hear things about how my children's childhood goes by so fast and I should cherish every moment, I know this and I really really try.  But it's hard.  I cherish the good moments.  The smiles, kisses, hugs.  Heck, I even cherish the story about how my son dropped the F-bomb on the bus during his second week of school. . .my son is in first grade.   But, please, don't make me cherish the 5th diarrhea explosion, the endless pee puddles on my floor, the meltdowns in the (insert store name here) line.  And don't make me feel awful if I don't.
My daughter's birth was traumatic for me.  She wasn't supposed to live.
I cherish her.
But I also realize that just because she had a hard beginning doesn't me I need to cherish her bad behavior.  I'm just trying to make my children functioning members of society.  I don't need someone talkin' smack to me because I don't walk around with a perpetual happy face loving every aspect of motherhood.
So, get off my back and let me vent.  My venting doesn't mean I don't love being a mother.  My venting means that I have feelings and emotions that need to be let out or I'm going to explode into a screaming banshee in front of my kids.  It's highly possible that has happened before.  And this goes for all the other moms out there that want to yell out, "I hate this shit!"  Figuratively and literally.  Let them yell it out.  Let those moms have their moment.
And to those that would say, "Well, you chose to have kids."  Yes, I did choose to have these two crazies.  And, you know what, I want to have another one.  My wanting to have kids and be a mother, doesn't mean I'm not a realist.  There are times it's gonna suck.  But I'll vent about those and move on.

So, the next time you're out and about with your crew, trying to keep your sanity, and someone says, "Oh, cherish these moments! They go by so fast!"  Feel free to tell them to bugger off.
Okay, don't say that.  But my goal is to say, in a polite voice, "I have plenty of good moments to cherish, this won't be one of them.  Actually, this moment isn't going by fast enough!"
It's the truth.  I shouldn't have to hide the truth because I'm afraid of someone else thinking I'm a bad mom.  I probably won't even see that person again.  And really, who cares if they think I'm a bad mom.  They don't know me.  My kids think I'm a good mom and that's all that matters.  Huh. . .I'm going to say that again:
My kids think I'm a good mom and that's all that matters.

You should say that to yourself.  It'll help you through your crazy day.  Here, I'll say it for you:

Your kids think you're a great mom and that's all that matters!

And now, I'm off to pick up my daughter from preschool.  Pray for me that she is wearing the same pants as when I dropped her off.  That means no accident.
It's the small things :)


  1. Oh honey - amen, amen, and amen. I didn't even read that article, because of the exact things you wrote. I have enough mommy guilt at this point! Remember the "I can't take it anymore" story I told you after your horrible trip to the commissary with your oldest crazy? Yeah, we all have those days, and if someone tells you you shouldn't, grab their meds for yourself and run!

  2. you are an AMAZING mother. and woman. and friend. those 2 crazies are beyond blessed to have you. i sure hope that i didn't make you feel like that unintentionally?? i know i talk a lot about treasuring the everyday but i also lock myself in the bathroom lots and cry. :)